The credits roll and the scene is set for another relaunch of the HWA3000. "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns n Roses hits, and two familiar faces - Trent Brown and Keith Kincaid (play-by-play announcer, and colour man respectively) make their way down to ringside. Trent grabs a microphone.
TB: Detroit, Michigan welcomes the WORLD back to the H. W. A!
The ever faithful HWA go crazy.
TB: Thats right folks, you though us resigned to history but no. We're BACK! And not only that, its back to the beginning once again, Keith, tell them why.
KK: Because, HE'S BACK!
TB: Right once again, The man who started this whole thing off back in 1999 is finally back where he belongs at the helm of the great ship HWA - RON ROYALTY!
Land of Hope and Glory plays and Ron walks down to the ring carrying two flags, one of his home country - the Union Jack, and of course the Stars and Stripes to represent America. Ron reaches the ring as pyros go off all over the arena, and places one flag in each opposite corner of the squared circle.
RR: Ladies and Gentlemen it gives me great honour to welcome each and every one of you to this historic night. Tonight, we make history as we begin the race for the title. The race for the title is a new concept in the HWA. Every single superstar is given the opportunity to compete for the title. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Now. I opened this challenge for any former HWA competitor to enter into. Any of them. So far we've had several HWA Superstars indicate willingness to compete. And compete they will for you, here this very evening.
RR: Many more Superstars will enter this tournament. It is open ended. You can enter at any time, you can leave at any time. The first two competitors to reach 20 points will face each other, one on one to decide the inaugral champion for the new HWA. All singles matches will be worth one point to the winner. Tag team matches are in many ways more valuable though because each member of the winning team gain two points each! Now of course, the interesting thing is that these tag team matches are chosen almost at random, pitting friend against friend and foe versus foe. We will witness the first of those matches tonight. I will of course be announcing more matches over the coming weeks, all of which will be worth differing amounts of points depending upon how difficult they are to win. For now though ladies and gentlemen I give to you, the H-W-A!
The Ninja walks down to the ring and prepares for the fight.
KK: Thats right Trent, and the Ninja is ready to get things going
TB: And next, from further back in HWA history, it's great to see him after such a long absense - ELDORADO!
The match starts quickly, with the Ninja getting the most of the early showing
KK: I think Eldorado has some ring rust to be honest Trent.
TB: Well i'm not surprised, we haven't seen him in action for quite some time.
After the 5 minute mark, Ninja slips on a move and Eldorado manages to get the upper hand, reminding the fans of who he used to be all those years ago.
15 minutes into the match, and neither man is getting the upper hand. TB: This is quite some match to restart the HWA with Keith. I'm betting those ECW guys are shitting themselves!
After another 5 minutes of intense mat wrestling, the Ninja emerges from under the ring with a kendo stick, the fans go nuts.
Eldorado foils Ninja's plans though and grabs the stick, hitting Ninja over the head. The referee rings the bell.
TB: No way. This match can't end like this. Not in a DQ! This is a travesty!
Land of Hope and Glory hits, and Ron Royalty runs down to the ring and grabs a mike.
RR: Referee Bob Jacobs, you are the weakest link, GOODBYE!
Ron hits the running flush and throws the referee to the outside.
RR: Now, I order this match restarted! Ring the damned bell!
TB: Good call from Royalty, I guess he's officiating this match now.
Around the 30 minute mark, this epic match comes to a close when both men hit their finishing moves but land with one arm over each other. Ron pauses, then hits the mat and counts with both hands 1-2-3!
KK: What is up with this shit?! What's Ron up to!
TB: Look, he's raising both men's hands! It's a draw - and i'm hearing from the back that both men get a point towards their race for the title competition hopes.
KK: Excellent match to reopen with.
TB: Second match of the evening hear, and both men - old adversaries meet once more in the HWA. Lets hope for another classic like the first here Keith!
The bell rings and the two men shake hands. No sooner have they done so though than some funky but cheesy guitar based music hits, and the huge HWA bigscreen lights up. On the screen, some middle aged man is engaged in a lewd sexual act with a rather attractive brunette. The crowd go wild!
KK: PORN!
TB: Er, what, I think there must be some kind of mal...
He is interrupted by the very same man appearing at the top of the ramp.
PP: I'm good, yes, i'm DAMNED good!
TB: Who the hell is this?
PP: Let me introduce myself, my name is Percy "The Pimp" Peterson, and guys, you better lock up your women and girls, there is a new playboy in town!
Mass boos from the audience. Percy starts to walk towards the ring. Sawyer and Conner walk to the edge of the ring, shouting for him to leave (but in less polite terms). PP: Thats right, and as for you two? Well i'm sorry but you just don't measure up to me!
Percy winks at the two men before getting into the ring. He then - quick as lightening - pulls out some brass knuckles and hits Conner around the face. Conner falls to the ground clutching his nose which is gushing blood and presumably broken.
Dan Sawyer: Look gimp, get the hell out of my ring. You just hurt a respected former HWA champion!
The bell rings, Sawyer looks at the referee as if to say - what the hell are you doing?
TB: I can't believe this, the referee has stopped this match, not that it ever got started. Whats going on?
KK: He' raising Sawyer's hand, Sawyer is the winner!
TB: This was never a match, it doesn't count.
KK: It does! Look at the HWA big screen!
The HWA screen has now been cleared of porn and is now showing that indeed, Sawyer has notched up his first point towards the race for the title. Back in the ring though, Percy looks at Sawyer and grins, before giving him the same treatment he gave Conner, except that Sawyer ducks and hits Percy with a clothesline. Percy in turn ducks this and lands a DDT on the unsuspecting Sawyer.
TB: Man, this Percy is a work of art. He just took out not one but TWO HWA legends!
KK: But Sawyer got the win by DQ! This was all masterminded by this porn star! He's become my personal hero!
TB: Keith, this man doesn't even WORK for the HWA.
This match starts off but its clear from the offset that Grimjack is too stoned to be in any state to wrestle. He even struggled to get out of his Bob Marley T-Shirt before the match started!
TB: It's a shame this. Grimjack is a HWA legend, and yet here he is, disgracing himself.
KK: It's sad when superstars let themselves go like this.
TB: And yet the man ran the HWA at one time, and was to many people's views the best president in the time Ron Royalty was away from the company.
KK: Yes thats true. There certainly have been a few, but many think that Grimjack was certainly up there with the best.
The match ends, predictably, with Jason Craven getting the win over Grimjack by pinfall. After the match, the scoreboard shows Craven picking up his first point, then the camera lands on a face in the crowd.
KK: Thats Peter Octavian!
TB: What is HE doing here?
KK: Folks i'm getting word from the back here, and its not good. Kevin Conner has suffered not only a broken nose, but a concussion too, and it's not known when he will be able to return to action here in the HWA.
TB: Man, thats got to suck. The guy only just returned.
KK: Didn't even manage to get in a single wrestling move!
TB: Right folks, its time for the two pointer!
KK: Someone, or even some pair are gonna get seriously ahead in this competition by picking up the win in this match.
TB: But wait, Conner is in the hospital. It's a 2 on 1 affair.
KK: But Grimjack is high is a kite!
Craven walks down to the ring, and Grimjack is staggering after him. Craven turns around and tries to shoo Grimjack back up the ramp.
KK: I think Craven made a good call here, Grimjack would be more of a problem than a help right now.
TB: That means we're back to one on one folks! Craven v Sawyer!
The match starts off and Sawyer, the fresher man of the two gets ahead with a couple of big moves. Craven, having had the match with Grimjack, short as it was, is at the disadvantage.
Craven manages to get over the initial period though and the fight returns to being even. Sawyer puts up a good fight, though, and more than shows his worth. Eventually, Craven's vast experience and skills in the ring get the better of Sawyer, and Sawyer submits to Craven.
TB: HUGE win here for Craven. And look at the scoreboard! 3 points for Jason Craven!
KK: But look who'se second - GRIMJACK!
TB: What the hell?!
KK: Of course, it makes perfect sense, Grimjack was Craven's partner!
TB: My God folks, what a crazy night to relaunch the HWA.
# KK: And next week its more of the same! I've just heard that Percy Peterson is going to make his HWA debut against Dan Sawyer! A grudge match there as Sawyer fights for the honour of his friend Kevin Conner.
TB: And also it's Grimjack's second chance back in the HWA as he takes on Eldorado - a match for the ages!
KK: The sub main event for the week will be The unknown Ninja v Jason Craven!
TB: That should be a HELL of a match right there! But listen to what Royalty just announced backstage. Just like this week was supposed to be, the enemies from THOSE matches have to put their matches behind them and work TOGETHER in a tag team match, where even MORE points for the race for the title are up for grabs. Thats right. It's The Unknown Ninja teaming up with Jason Craven, to take on Percy Peterson and Dan Sawyer!
KK: Sawyer teaming with Peterson?! Thats something i'd LOVE to see!
Craven re-enters the ring and waves the stars and stripes. He celebrates in the ring, accompanied by his friend Peter Octavian as the show goes off the air.
KK: We'll see you all next week!